phatcatz

Cabinet of the Omxus Field Guide

Field Guide to Human Subspecies

Collectible plates from Applebee’s Report: a zookeeper’s careful notes on the curious behaviour of Homo sapiens, sorted by how they meet the coloured-box ritual they call voting.

Jenkins insists these are not real taxonomic categories. Jenkins is wrong about many things.

Applebee, Senior Enclosure Coordinator

7 subspecies 9 supplementary plates

Which one are you? Take the Field Test
Homo silentium observer: A shadowed figure with two faint glowing eyes. No. 07 · Homo silentium observer · Underestimated
Drawer I

Primary Subspecies

Seven behavioural subspecies, identified during the observation period.

  1. Homo minorus suffragium: A boy reaches toward a ballot box nearly as tall as he is.
    No. 01 Homo minorus suffragium The Non-Voting Youth Common
  2. Homo apalitticus adultus: A man sprawls on a couch with a laptop and a drink, papers piled at his feet.
    No. 02 Homo apalitticus adultus The Apolitical Adult Widespread
  3. Homo outrageus maximus: A man mid-shout, red shards bursting from his head.
    No. 03 Homo outrageus maximus The Perpetually Outraged Loud
  4. Homo bureaucratius proceduralis: A clerk at a desk stacked with forms, one box ticked.
    No. 04 Homo bureaucratius proceduralis The Process Person Endemic
  5. Homo swingus unicornis: A glowing blue figure stands on a map lit with red and blue points.
    No. 05 Homo swingus unicornis The Swing Voter Rare?
  6. Homo signalus virtuus: A haloed man raises his arms beneath speech bubbles of praise.
    No. 06 Homo signalus virtuus The Virtue Signaler Social Media
  7. Homo silentium observer: A shadowed figure with two faint glowing eyes.
    No. 07 Homo silentium observer The Silent Observer Underestimated
Drawer II

Supplementary Plates

Loose sheets from the same study. Filed here pending classification.

  1. The Cubs: Two boys in paper crowns look straight at the camera.
    Plate I The Cubs
  2. Parliament Observation: A spired parliament building across a river, in sepia.
    Plate II Parliament Observation
  3. Australia’s Secret Panics: Cartoon: a giant panda marked China looms over a map of Australia, saying “Lots of connections, zero back-up.”
    Plate III Australia’s Secret Panics
  4. Thrones Above Monarchy: A crown floats over a crowd. Its speech bubble: “We’re fine. NATO says so.”
    Plate IV Thrones Above Monarchy
  5. Magic Carpet Panda: A panda and two small companions ride a flying carpet over a glowing city in the clouds.
    Plate V Magic Carpet Panda
  6. Treasure Map Markings: Cartoon: a stream of gold bars drains into a hole as officials watch. “We dig it, they hide it, we buy it back.”
    Plate VI Treasure Map Markings
  7. GG’s Surprise Pull: Cartoon: a man in a top hat holds a stopwatch and pulls strings over a building labelled Constitution.
    Plate VII GG’s Surprise Pull
  8. Submarine Concept: A rusted submarine glides through dark green water.
    Plate VIII Submarine Concept
  9. Spot the Difference: Two near-identical teacher and student network diagrams, side by side.
    Plate IX Spot the Difference
Drawer III

The Namesake

Before this cabinet, phatcatz was where Sean Azzopardi kept his comics. A small drawer in his honour.

  1. Cover of The Sea Shepherd by Sean Azzopardi: a painted portrait of Paul Watson under a red title band.
    Phatcomics The Sea Shepherd Graphic history of the ocean-defence group, foreword by Captain Paul Watson. Graphic history © Sean Azzopardi / Phatcomics
  2. Poster for Rave 3000, an exhibition of works by Sean Azzopardi: a green many-eyed figure on pink.
    Phatcomics Rave 3000 New canvases and prints at The Brain Jar, Hull. Exhibition, 2026 © Sean Azzopardi / Phatcomics
  3. Ink sketch: a gaunt man in a top hat, a pale woman at his shoulder.
    Phatcomics Anathema Design art for a story written by Gary Simpson, drawn for The O Men anthology. Sketch, 2004 © Sean Azzopardi / Phatcomics
  4. Ink sketch: a bearded man in a top hat walks a narrow night street, a woman behind him.
    Phatcomics Anathema, street A second design sketch for the same story. Sketch, 2004 © Sean Azzopardi / Phatcomics

Sean Azzopardi and Phatcomics

Drawer IV

Beyond the Cabinet

Applebee’s notebooks, a pair of dice, a skateboard, and the doors out.

  1. Field notes The Coloured Boxes Field note 7,412. Observations on the human selection ritual. Read in the library
  2. Field notes The Cubs Problem Field note 9,201. Why the young ones don’t get a say, and whether that still makes sense. Read in the library
  3. An essay On Fate Why people hand hard choices to a die. With a roller to try it yourself. Roll for it
  4. Tiation The Skateboard A 3D skateboard, in the Tiation Brand Kit. Tiation Brand Kit

Doors to Omxus